I had to go to a funeral yesterday. It was a Brethren funeral. It was long. I clocked it at 2hrs23min. It was the closest I’ve ever got to giving a speaker the wind up sign. Everyone’s body language was awful. The life story of the person being farewelled was inspirational, but those trying to remember her nearly ran the risk of the service being more memorable for how long it was rather than her life.

Which got me to thinking: how long is a good funeral? Is there such a thing as a ‘good funeral?

I’ve been to plenty of good funerals, and I dare say I may have conducted a few myself that weren’t all that bad. When smaller funerals are held at those funeral home chapels the timing is easy: you have about 40min max so that they can ready the chapel for the next on-the-hour funeral service. It has the feel of a conveyor belt process.

I’d have to say between 50-60 min is a good balance. You don’t want it to be too cursory and you don’t want it to become an ordeal. Grieving is an unusual process which requires the tension of reflection and that of moving on.

A sermon is sometime surplus to requirement. Too often it is used as an opportunity to regale unsaved relatives, trapped by circumstances, with a fiery Gospel message. Yesterday the sermon started just before the 2 hour mark. The sermon was an apologetic for resurrection. I would much rather have had a proclamation of assurance of resurrection rather than a low brow regurgitation of an apologetics proof text.

It is difficult to sum up a life in a short space of time. No funeral service will ever do justice to a life lived. Therefore is must be very selective, and capture the essence of the legacy of the person, and contain the necessary rites of passage whereby people are able to say farewell.

I always feel guilty pronouncing the benediction and then pressing the button that closes the curtain. It is a moment when the family feel the pain of separation all over again as the curtain closes. It is necessary though. Me thinks the wake is the best place to recall all the stories that were never told in the service.

I would like my funeral service to be fairly short thanks [just in case any of my family ever read this]. No cheesy choruses [you know which ones that cause me to wretch], no spin and gloss either. Feel free to sledge me, [but they have to be good], feel free to show some not so good photos. Laughing is compulsory, and please deliver a blanket apology to all I have offended, disapointed, failed and frustrated. I guess as a pastor first in line to receive those apologies are my wife and kids. Make sure you sing a great hymn or two, [Immortal Invisible], and please don’t have any deep fried finger foods at the wake. Vegetable and fruit platters thanks, and make sure I’m dressed in my running kit before my body is submitted to the flames.

I think that should do it. Oh yeah, please sound at least hopeful that I will hear the words, “well done my good and faithful servant”.